How to Write Wedding Vows That Sound and Feel Like You
Your wedding vows don’t need to be perfect, poetic, or profound. They just need to be yours.
After nearly 20 years of helping people create meaningful wedding ceremonies, I’ve learned that the vows we remember aren’t necessarily the most beautifully written ones. They’re the ones that sound like the person standing in front of us. The funny little details. The honest promises. The words that make your person laugh, tear up, and think, Yep. That’s you.
So forget about writing the “perfect” wedding vows. Let’s write something that sounds and feels like you.
Start With How You Want to Feel
Before you start trying to find the perfect words, start with the feeling.
How do you want to feel while you're reading your vows? What emotion do you want to express? And when you finish speaking, what do you most want your person to walk away knowing?
This is one of my favorite places to begin because it gets you out of your head and back into your heart.
Your vows aren't an essay. They're an experience you're creating with someone you love.
Think About Who You Get to Be Together
Of course your vows can include everything you adore about your person. But I also love asking couples to think about who they get to be because of this relationship.
Who are you when you're together?
Maybe you're more adventurous. More playful. More grounded. More courageous. Maybe this person makes you feel safe enough to be softer, sillier, louder, weirder, or simply more yourself.
That's part of your love story, too.
Get Specific
This is where your vows start sounding unmistakably like you.
Think about the things nobody else would know to say. The ridiculous inside joke. The way they make your coffee. The adventures you've taken. The tiny thing they do when you've had a terrible day.
Specificity is where personality lives.
Instead of trying to sound romantic, get real and personal.
Make Promises You're Excited to Keep
This is a big one for me.
Your vows are an opportunity to set intentions for the life you're creating together. So make promises you genuinely feel inspired to follow through on.
Some can be big: I promise to keep choosing you.
Some can be wonderfully ordinary: I promise to keep dancing with you in the kitchen.
The point isn't to make impressive promises.
It's to make your promises.
Give Yourself a Little Structure
If you're staring at a blank page wondering where on earth to begin, structure can help.
I often encourage people to think about their vows in three broad pieces:
What I love about you.
Who we are together.
What I'm promising you.
That's enough structure to get you moving while leaving plenty of room for your personality and story to shine.
Please, Be You
If you're funny, be funny.
If you're sentimental, be sentimental.
If you're tender, be tender.
If you're a little weird together, for the love of all things LOVE, be a little weird.
Your person isn't standing across from you hoping you'll suddenly become a professional poet. They want you.
Your voice. Your personality. Your heart.
Have Some Fun With This
You're writing words to someone you love about why you love them and what you want to create together.
That's pretty freaking wonderful.
So grab a snack. Go for a walk. Find somewhere that makes you feel good. Take the pressure off.
Then ask yourself:
What is it about this person and this relationship that I really want to celebrate?
Start there.
If you’re dreaming about how all of these pieces can come together, I’ve also created a guide to creating a queer wedding ceremony that feels like you.
Ready to Create a Ceremony That Feels Like You?
Your vows are one beautiful piece of your wedding ceremony. The story you tell, the people you honor, the words you choose, and the way the whole experience feels can reflect who you truly are together.
That’s what we create through my Love Celebration Journey.
Together, we’ll explore your relationship, what matters most to you, and how you want your wedding ceremony to feel, then create a celebration that sounds, feels, and belongs unmistakably to you.